Squat: 237 lbs
Deadlift: 300 lbs
Clean and Jerk: 145 lbs
CrossFit Level 1 certification
CrossFit Judges Course
Mother. Teacher. Coach. Master’s Athlete.
I used to want to be skinny, to fit into the size 2 jeans, to hear the “you’re so tiny” remarks. I was envious of those people who could run long distances and just get smaller. I liked my legs, but I have *always* been aware that they are anything but little – no way, no how – and I kind of hated them for that. I was constantly fighting myself. I was never, ever good enough. Working out, though I have always loved it and how it has made me feel, was a way – THE way – to punish myself for eating too much or not eating “healthy enough.” I had to earn my food – and then I had to pay for it, again, after I ate. It was a vicious cycle – I was not brought up to view myself this way AT ALL, and I haven’t ever really figured out where it came from. However, I could not allow myself to continue this pattern. I have a daughter, and Ella deserves better. This changed as soon as I walked into my first class, listened for the “3, 2, 1, go,” and picked up that barbell. At that moment, being skinny was unimportant – all I wanted to do was be strong enough, be skillful enough to clean that barbell and jerk it overhead and move into those pistol squats. At that moment, I became aware of my body’s potential – and I wanted to know more. I still struggle with some old demons – they like to pop up from time to time to taunt me. I still struggle with the idea of recovery but am learning how incredibly important it is – it’s a skill workout I need to drill more. The past year and a half of CrossFit experiences – the people CrossFit has brought into my life – have given me the tools to know that I am stronger than the struggle. I am strong because of the struggle.
The past year and a half of CrossFit has taught me so much about myself – it has shown me a fraction of what I am capable of mentally and physically, it has taught me what I *have* to do outside the gym in order to do what I *want* inside the gym. This is THE link that I was never quite able to figure out on my own before CrossFit. At 42, I am able to push boundaries I thought were set in stone and accomplish feats I once thought were reserved only for those people 20+ years younger than me. Most importantly, though, CrossFit has given me another way to be a strong, positive example to my daughter – to help me teach her to be proud of her strength, to be proud of herself. CrossFit has given me an avenue to help others realize the potential in themselves, to see that the limits they imposed on themselves previously are lies. I’m a teacher and CrossFit has given me another chance to learn, to teach, to cheer, to encourage. I am not the most skilled, or the strongest, or the fastest athlete in any gym – I am, however, the one who is trying her hardest, trying her best – I want to help others do the same.